Hello, World!

I haven't posted in 2 years! I think that's mainly because I forgot my password. So much has happened, so many things have changed; but change is inevitable. I think one of the greatest things that has happened to me the last couple of years are my travels. In February of last year I went to Guatemala to volunteer with children from Guatemala City. The children at this aftercare program I worked at, had family members who worked at the infamous Guatemala City Dump. The first day of training we were introduced to the dump. My heart sank. How could something like this exist? How could people spend their waking hours sorting through the dump? It's not a question of how, because it hasn't to do with capability. It has to do with livelyhood. These people, these beautiful people used whatever scraps they could find in order to survive. If they were lucky, they would find enough to sell and buy food. Can you imagine not knowing how you were going to eat for the day? Think about your worries. I think of mine, and they seem so superficial and not important when I compare it to theirs. but the most beautiful thing of it all was that they were not mad, they didn't blame anyone, they accepted that this is what there life is for now. When you have very little, you cherish everything with all of your heart&soul. Nothing is taken for granted. And even though they were one of the poorest of people I had ever met, they took pride in themselves. They took pride in how the presented themselves and they treated people with respect. Family came first. Family was everything.

I was a teacher's assistant in a 4 year old classroom. Ah, what angels, what brats! I loved them to pieces. I feel a profound connection with children. A lot of times more than I feel for people my age. It's in their eyes, it's in their singing smiles, it's in the way they look at the world. To me, children are the purest thing there is. When they are sad, they cry. When they find a joke funny, they roll around and laugh and laugh. There's nothing secretive, nothing deceptive...To me, they are the ones who accept me the most. They are the ones who often love me the most too. Ah, what a joyous feeling! To feel accepted! To feel as though I belong! I suppose in a way, it's almost selfish of me to crave that kind of love.

I know that for the rest of my life I want to work with children in Latin American countries. Being adopted from Honduras, I will always feel an immense connection with Latin America. One day I will create an organization to aid children of the street.

Fact: 2,000 Guatemalan children die each year from preventable illnesses, such as dehydration, dysentery, and upper respiratory infections, in part because there are only minimal health facilities available to them.

Fact: There are an estimated 40 million street children and street working children in Latin America. (UNICEF). There are an estimated 400,000 street children and child labourers in Lima, Peru alone. Worldwide, 77 million children do not attend school.


Who am I to live in a world where there are so many children suffering and do nothing? Who am I to turn my head? This is something I cannot do.

Nina Simone - If You Knew

True beauty.

♫♪♫♪ Simply Red - Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye (live)

Nina Simone "Feelings" (Montreux Jazz Festival)

I can't even.. i Don't even have enough words to express this one to you. Please just listen to her. :)

MUSIQQQQ

Colin Hay - Beautiful World

LYRICS:

My my my it’s a beautiful world
I like swimming in the sea
I like to go out beyond the white breakers
Where a man can still be free (or a woman if you are one)
I like swimming in the sea.

My my my it’s a beautiful world
I like drinking Irish tea
With a little bit of lapsang souchong
I like making my own tea.

My my my it’s a beautiful world
I like driving in my car
Roll the top down sometimes I travel quite far
Drive to the ocean stare up at the stars
I like driving in my car

All around is anger automatic guns
It’s death in large numbers no respect for women or our little ones
I tried talking to Jesus but He just put me on hold
Said He’d been swamped by calls this week
And He couldn’t shake His cold

And still this emptiness persists
Perhaps this is as good as it gets
When you’ve given up the drink and those nasty cigarettes
Now I leave the party early at least with no regrets
I watch the sun as it comes up I watch it as it sets
Yeah this is as good as it gets.

My my my it’s a beautiful world
I like sleeping with Marie
She is one sexy girl full of mystery
She says she doesn’t love me but she likes my company
For now that’s good enough for me

A poem in August

A Poem in august

LOC: Starbucks, Portland, ME






I reached for my heart at the footsteps of his glittering eyes.
I searched
for so many days and nights
for this profound and delicate feeling
and when my eyelids, damp,
from overflowing water,
squinted tightly--

this is what I see,
this is what I feel:
this is what's delivered to my heart:

My soul reached out to me in a dream
in many dreams, to be quite honest
but my mind shuttered at the thought
and closed out the fearful and intimate feeling of belonging
each time
each time my mind crawled and clawed at this feeling
the feeling of craving to belong,
but each night my soul would reach out to me in a dream.


And Each night I would pray to the Gods above
"Bring me someone, someone who understands my heart."
But the foolish emotions of an old soul trapped in a 22 year old's body
means not to be misunderstood, but is still learning.

Laughter strikes my nerves
crusading through my every heartbeat
Laughter does the opposite than heal me
It mocks my deepest and rarest emotions

When I stop, settle my soul down into the Earth's body
I relax-
I see, I feel, I understand..
so much more
..So much less
but so much differently than before.


Greiby Medina ©2009

Mat Kearney - Closer To Love (Single)

The Kooks - You Don't Love Me (Radio 1's Big Weekend)

Rachael Yamagata interview

:)

Live! Meiko, "Reasons to Love You"

Rachael Yamagata - Be Be Your Love (Pro-Quality)

"...if i could take you away....pretend i was queen.."

A Fine Frenzy: Whisper Live DVD

ahhh :)

ONCE: What does it feel like to be in love?

Just watch... :)

Sensitivity

It was once said: "Sensitivity isn't about being wimpy. It's about being so painfully aware that a flea landing on a dog is like a sonic boom."

I believe so deeply in that quote. I believe so deeply in many things, in many people, but each time I do, each time I love, I forget to love myself. It's not to say that I have poor self esteem, but I question if people love me, my friends, my family. and I question, if they do, why would they? I'm disturbed, and tormented. My image of me is of that anyway. My brain is scattered, my memory at time feels shot, I obsess over small things and it disables me. It stop me from doing this I love to do. I don't like that- i don't want to be like that.

I wish I could talk to somebody about these feelings, someone who isn't my mother, someone who isn't my therapist and someone who isn't my blogspot blank page.

This week has been tough. I feel very much out of control of my own energy, of my own emotions. I am at first able to gather my thoughts, but then when directing at somebody or aiming towards something productive, I shut down. I am human. and with that natural flaw, I allow myself to get upset with people. After a while, you can trust somebody, and trust in them, and trust in what you think they believe in, but when their habits don't change, when they don't reach out to you, when they ignore you and treat you like shit, it's very hard to keep your trust in somebody when they let you down so often. I will say for me though, it doesn't take much to gain my trust, in fact it takes very little. I ask for one thing: respect. but sadly, it takes twice as long for you to gain it back. because you've broken me, and carelessly pounded on the gates of my soul, as if to come in, but to decide to leave without even a note.

I wish people would take the time to read what I say, and maybe they do. But for me, I am not a person who can have deep conversations over lunch with you. I am not socially awkward or anything, but I feel very much out of control of myself when I am not near pen and paper. With pen and paper, I am able to cross out what I say, erase what i say, delete what I say. But when I am in public, it's as if my mouth has no filter. For instance this blog, I am trying to explain to you who I am. I am not trying to "Justify" who I am.

And the more I explain, the more upset the other person gets. The more annoyed he or she gets. and for me, an I, unable to express through words or action, am left here wondering where exactly this started blowing up.