the truth of my soul is....i'm a complete moron. i'd share some insight, but i have none. why oh why would i spend all my days analyzing my fucked up actions, when i'm curious about the way you are. i've therapy for that, and i'll sneak a peak at my file when i feel it to be urgent. at this point, there is no sense of urgency. maybe i'm lying. because. the urgency to explain myself presents itself daily. why why why why. why? i see things, i feel things... i could explain it as such: i feel as though my heart has consumed my body, like a tumor, benign of course, and it blurs my vision, my eye vision. if my heart had vision, it would agree with the feelings it holds. well if you're unsure of what i'm talking about. i can accept that. but foolishly i'll continue to try to explain. and so with my heart, crusading through my body, thunderous and turbulent, my mind, my logic, dies before it is born. it's an emotional genocide inside of me. fuck. i can't breathe. i do have exercised induced asthma and all, but the reason for my incapability to breathe is based on the common cold. common. and cruel.

continuing on.

is it fair to say that people misunderstand someone's intentions simply because their actions are out of the norm. is it a human instinct to distrust a person? to not believe in their love? to not believe in all of their truths? because right now, i'm exuding my truths on this page. i could tell you it all, or all that i know to tell. some truths mature later on.  i had a good talk with a friend of mine, who said: i guess it's hard to believe in someone who has interest in being my friend. i often think, what do they want from me? and i replied to her, sad and perplexed. i said i don't want a thing. i want to be your friend. but i think that when you are way too invested in being someone's friend, they become unsure and frightened of your intentions.  and maybe it's a bit of self doubt that we see. when you yourself are at times unsure of who you really are. and then here comes someone who wants to know me? 

because life is exhausting. but it's worth it. to be pushed down. to be burned. to hurt. to feel.

so if i want to be your friend. its for the right reasons.