Wounded

I feel...
I feel profoundly stimulated and overwhelmed with the world. Which in turn makes my way of living and interacting with you feel intense. I don't do it on purpose. I don't know how to change. But because of this natural flaw, I've pushed handfuls of people away and I don't mean to. I don't want to do that.

But maybe if I explain it this way: Not all hurt is a sad hurt. It can be caused by sensitivity about the world. It's about being so painfully aware that it feels like your heart is literally being pounded in when you see someone being bullied. It is so fucking hard to look at the world and not see it's beauty. And with beauty comes ugly, but isn't it beautiful to be ugly too? I look out the window and I see the wind dancing with the leaves, and I see the birds fluttering ....and I feel my love beating...faster..and faster...

I go outside, I go outside in my backyard and I stare at the stars. But I have to say it's not the beauty that gets me as much as the fact that people don't take the time to look at the stars. One night I only spotted two stars. I didn't know whether to cry because at least there wasn't one, and at least they found each other maybe or because the city lights were what was preventing me to see a tapestry of stars. When I look at the stars I can literally feel my mind expand. I can feel my heart open up to all the possibilities of the world.

I feel like I spend more time explaining myself than being heard. 

A lot of time I feel like I don't speak the same language as a lot of people. And that in itself is frustrating and down right depressing.